How to tell your children about your divorce

Children and Divorce Photo arashdeep

Do it together

Prepare your script

Give a clear picture

Keep calm

Focus on the child alone

Listen to what the child has to say

Give Assurance

Where to say it

How to say it

More than one child

When to tell your child about divorce

Do not spring it on her

Give a clear, lucid reason for the divorce

Seek expert help

Divorce is not a new concept in modern society and so your children are in all possibility quite familiar with the issue. They probably have friends with divorced parents. But this does not make them immune to the repercussions when it happens to their own Mum and Dad. And you cannot take for granted that they will accept what's happening just because it's rampant and all around. 

All the more reason for you, as parents, to handle the matter very carefully and in a manner that will cause the least amount of damage. Once you have taken the final decision to separate, it's time to inform your kids about it. It is important to make sure your kids understand that the divorce or separation is between Mum and Dad and not between parents and kids. They need to understand perfectly that their status as son and daughter continues till the end of time. Here are a few tips on how best to handle informing your children about your decision to divorce. 

Childrearingtips Photograph jdurham-morguefile.com

Do it together

Informing your child about your divorce is best done together. If your separation is amicable, this need not be painful. But if your parting is not very pleasant, it would be ideal where your child is concerned if you could pull your act together for one last time for the benefit of your child. This is the one part of divorce proceedings that is not about the two of you; it is entirely about your child. Put aside personal hurts, pride, hatred, and anger to sit down and talk about your child. When you do this together, your child understands

• you both care about her despite your differences
• she is valuable and will not be abandoned
• she still has a Mum and Dad

Prepare your script

Before you sit your child down to inform her of your divorce, you and your partner need to discuss in a sane manner and come to a conclusion as to how to do this, what to say, and who will say what. Rehearse if you must. Your script must address

• how best to let your children know about the divorce
• the changes that you believe will happen
• how to reassure your child that you will take all possible care to ensure he is taken care of as always 

 and anything else that may be relevant to your personal circumstances.

Give a clear picture

Give your child a clear picture of the changes that will happen because of the divorce. To be able to do this, you need to have a clear idea of the situation and how best to see it through. Kids thrive on routine and a divorce can be one of the most unsettling things that can happen in a child's life. You can make the best of a bad situation by 

• having a plan 
• showing confidence that it will work 
• assuring them that it is not the end of the world

Kids take their cue from you and so your confidence and optimism will rub off on them. 

Childrearingtips Photograph Kahanaboy

Keep calm

When you're talking to your child about your decision to divorce, do not let emotions take control and show distress and anger. Neither should you be cold and distant. Do not fake emotions that you have ceased feeling for each other; this will confuse the child. Be courteous to each other throughout. Your child needs to understand that the two of you are genuinely concerned about her and will do all that you can to ensure her best interests. It becomes easier to handle this matter calmly if you talk to your child after  

• you have reached a clear irrevocable decision regarding your divorce
• all your doubts have been laid to rest and you are at peace with your decision
• you truly believe this is the best option for all concerned

And then it follows naturally that you inform your children about your decision to separate. The worst thing you can do is drag your children along as you go through a wild roller coaster emotional ride as to divorce or not to divorce. 

Focus on the child alone

This conversation about your divorce needs to be completely child centred. Refrain from bringing up personal stuff, sarcastic expressions, snide remarks, and arguments into it. Use positive language to build trust in the child that he is not forsaken. Focus on the good such as visits, outings, games, and other fun things you have planned for her. Above all, build confidence in her that you both love her and will do all you can to ensure her safety and happiness.

Listen to what the child has to say

When informed of divorce, kids usually go silent, cry, say hurtful things, or show anger. Bear in mind that divorce is one of the chief causes of tantrum behaviour in children. Be prepared and respond with love. Pay attention to your child's expression and body language. Encourage her to express how she is feeling and tell you anything that may come up. Answer her questions as honestly as you can in simple direct language. Avoid beating around the bush or giving complicated explanations. Stay focused and don't let her rants start you off on one of your own. 

Give Assurance

Childrearingtips on divorce Photograph audbliss

Often it is the Dad who moves out of the family home. Just as Mums, Dads are important for kids and their emotional growth. Assure the child that Dad is going to be visiting regularly. Give fixed dates such as weekends that the child can count on and make sure you keep your word. Help the child understand that the parent who is moving out is not disappearing for good. This parent can instill this belief in the child by spending quality time with her on a regular basis during the turbulent period that she is informed of the divorce. 

Where to say it

Do not pick a public place such as the park or the ice cream shop to break the news about your divorce. Your child may feel forced to control his emotions and not respond appropriately to the bombshell that has just been lobbed in his direction. It is important that they are given the space and the opportunity in which to vent as they want and as much as they want. Choose a familiar, comfortable setting such as your kitchen, family room, or your child's bedroom. A long car ride might seem ideal, but it is important that you be face-to-face with your child and not clutching at the steering while you tell her about getting divorced. You should be in a position to physically comfort your child if need be. 

How to say it

A single discussion may not be all that it takes to let the matter of divorce sink in. On first hearing about it, the child may feel a sense of unreality that this is not really happening. You may need to deal with the issue in a series of talks over a period of time till the matter has sunk in and the child has come to a full understanding. The child may then respond with a barrage of questions. This is healthy and should be encouraged.

You need to be patient and continue to answer questions to the best of your ability. Sometimes the child may repeat the same questions over and over again. This is his way of coming to terms with the issue or hoping that the issue has gone away like a bad dream. Help him out by answering patiently and sticking with the same answers. Consistency is very important in helping him absorb reality. Say nothing that will give him false hope. 

More than one child

If you have more than one child, you need to communicate to them separately at first and then together as a unit. This is important because they need to experience your attention and concern individually and not as part of a group where you will not be able to look them all in the eye at the same time. Besides, you need to use age appropriate language to make sure they understand the reason and be confident of your continued love and care.

When to tell your child about divorce

There never really is a best time to tell your child that the world as she knows it is going to break apart; but there are times that need to be avoided as much as possible. Just bear in mind that the child will remember this moment even into adulthood. He is going to remember what he was wearing, what he was munching on, the ticking of the clock, the expression on your face, what the dog was doing, the blinding sunlight, the pouring rain, and, so on. These memories will have repercussions for him.

All I can say is do not pick a time when he is at peace and perfectly joyful or when he is clearly having a very bad day, or is sick, or has a dental appointment the following day or is in the middle of exams in school. As for the time of the day, make sure it is not late evening and never dinner time and later. This will have the child tossing and turning all night or having nightmares. The best time would be after breakfast on a non-working day as this will give him the better part of the day or even a weekend to come to terms with it.

Do not spring it on her

Understand that divorce is even more traumatic for the child than it is for you. Your child probably has an idea that things are not pleasant between the two of you. But this does not mean that she is prepared for you to separate. Does she believe you have your differences but it's only minor and you will work it out as usual? In this case she is complacent and not duly worried. If you spring the issue of divorce on her, she is going to be shocked. In this case you, the parents, need to sit her down and explain to her that you are going through a very difficult period and are not able to work things out as you usually do. You need to gauge accurately at what stage of understanding your child is and then use age appropriate language and concepts to explain the situation to her.

Give a clear, lucid reason for the divorce

If your child is old enough to understand speech, you need to let him know in clear, unambiguous terms just what the situation is. Do not use complex concepts such as infidelity, financial control, and irreconcilable differences etc. to explain the situation. Instead, try to explain how these problems are due to money, work, not spending enough time together, or whatever else it may be. You have to avoid unpleasantness and use appropriate simple language. What is of utmost importance is that your explanation is not vague and the child gets a solid reason that he can process and understand. This is to make sure that he does not feel guilty and believe that the entire drama is his fault.

Childrearingtips Photograph Courtesy Karpati-morguefile.com

Seek professional help

If you are seeing a therapist, he or she might be able to guide you on how best to handle this issue. Sometimes parents are unable to come up with the right thing to say and might be extremely fearful of hurting their child. They might also want very much to avoid or at least minimise the psychological effects of divorce on their children. A therapist might be able to help in these situations. Family counselling sessions may prove helpful for all concerned when you have children involved in a divorce situation.

I hope these tips have been helpful. I'd really appreciate your comments and ideas on the topic of children and divorce. Your likes, shares, and tweets are always appreciated as it helps me spread the word. Thanks for reading this far!

You might also like to read 

Some scientific causes for temper tantrums

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How to Behave When Your Child Throws a Tantrum

Temper tantrums in children can happen anywhere but supermarkets and department stores seem to trigger these spectacular outbursts more so than other places. How do you behave when your child throws a tantrum?

Photograph Courtesy Phaewilk-morguefile.com

I saw a Dad and his toddler go through one of these events the other day.The Dad picked him up from the trolley and sought to soothe him speaking in low tones. But he slithered out of his arms and hit the floor kicking and screaming. What the Dad did next won my respect. He just sat down on the floor next to his live wire son and looked calmly at him. His gaze had a tinge of compassion almost as one that would be directed at a drunken buddy who had lost it. He didn't say a word; just sat there completely present yet silent. 

Soon enough the party aisle went quiet and all was well as the father son duo moved along to checkout speaking in low tones to each other engrossed in a world of their own. There was no wringing of hands, dramatic statements, or apologetic glances directed to passers by. It was just another day in the lives of those two who understood each other perfectly.

Do not use brute force to suppress a tantrum

Don't go all out exerting control and power just because you can. Medieval practices of spanking and belting are really not an option. These days, kids are already belted by junk food, environmental pollution, technological glut, chemical cleaning agents, genetically modified food, a lifestyle that coops them up indoors in synthetic environments, and being brought up by single parents who have plenty on their plate. What they need more than anything is emotional well-being.

Parents have to manage tantrum behaviour

Before language acquisition, you are your child's thinking brain. They depend on you to do their thinking for them. They depend on you not just for food, water, and safety but also for the regulation of their emotional needs. So the soothing of their feelings of frustration, fear, being overwhelmed or frightened is your responsibility. It is the parents' job to anticipate, recognise, and act to prevent escalation.

Be empathic and show your concern

This might be hard to believe but a toddler does not throw a tantrum for the heck of it. There's always a reason that gets them started. Analyse, find, show concern, and show your child you're trying to help. Where that's not possible, like wanting the moon or something similar, be empathic. Tell him how you'd always wanted to be James Bond, but it never worked out. A child is not a criminal mastermind who embarks on premeditated tantrums for the sheer pleasure of tormenting parents and caregivers. Although if not addressed promptly and intelligently when it begins, it may indeed lead to such a state of affairs as they grow older.

Check your signals; are they setting off his tantrum triggers?

Your tone of voice and choice of words can sent signals to a sensitive child making him defensive and touchy. This could work out to be negative reinforcement that has the child prepared to throw a tantrum at the drop of a hat due to an implied suggestion that this may be expected of him. You behave or we won't go to the park this weekend. There is an implied threat. The child focuses on the park bit rather than the admonishment to behave. 

The important message he gets is that the trip to the park may not be happening for some reason. The park is his priority while the behaving is the parent's priority. So if he believes that the park trip is under threat he is not going to be quiet and accepting of it. He is going to show you just how upset he is and this may trigger a tantrum at the slightest provocation.

Tantrum behaviour in the older child

If your child continues to throw tantrums even after toddlerhood, it signals the child's rooted belief of not being heard or understood. Examine why this is so. Were her needs attended to within a reasonable period of time during her infancy? Has she had to act out before she was fed, cleaned, picked up, etc.? If you believe this was the case when she was a baby, it's still not too late to work on gaining her trust and confidence. Once she learns she can depend on you to take care of her needs without her having to throw a fit, she'll calm down. While you earn her trust, you can also bring it up and talk about it.

Photograph Courtesy Phaewilk-morguefile.com

With an older child, spend an afternoon together doing stuff she likes. Engage in a light-hearted game and when completely relaxed, 

• gently bring up her tantrum behaviour
• why she does it
• explore other ways of expressing her feelings
• say you understand how hard it must be to feel that way and act that way
• how hard it is for you to see her that way
• how can we change this?

It is important to be engaged in a game while discussing this because it takes the attention away from the child's behaviour. It helps her open up. The emphasis is on the game; the talk is secondary. Pay attention to the child's body language, facial expressions, tone of voice, and words used. This may help you find out the causes behind her tantrum episodes. Older children who have become accustomed to throwing tantrums for whatever reason may benefit from meditation techniques that help calm down and better manage their behaviour.

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Temper Tantrums and their Scientific Reasons

A temper tantrum can be an unnerving event whether acted out by your toddler or your boss. The latter is his or her parents' problem; however the toddler's case deserves a more empathic approach. Temper tantrums are not so bad if you can understand what causes it. This will help you prevent or tread wisely around situations that may bring on one.

So what causes temper tantrums in kids? The usual suspects are hunger, thirst, tiredness, feeling sleepy, feeling unattended, feeling uncomfortable, loss of control over a situation/powerlessness, fall in blood sugar, or neurotic behaviour on the part of the parent such as anger, anxiety, exceedingly hurried pace, long chats on the phone while the kid feels neglected. If you can rule all this out, we need to consider other factors that may bring about a temper tantrum.

Some Scientific Causes for a Temper Tantrum

Sensory Processing Disorder

If you believe your child is throwing tantrums on a regular basis and for no earthly reason, you could consider evaluating to see if he has a problem with processing sensory input. In plain English this means having trouble interpreting what your senses tell you. Kids with this problem can be overly sensitive to stimuli and show excessive response to sensations. They may find normal touch, sights, sounds, and movements unbearable that other kids may have no problem with. They may feel overwhelmed by high ceiling and infrastructure as well as high noise levels. You can get more information about sensory processing disorder if you need to check this out.

Magnesium deficiency

Photograph Copyright mrmac04 morguefile.com

Children deficient in magnesium may be prone to hyperactivity and be unmanageable, leading eventually to erratic behaviour and temper tantrums. Magnesium is easily lost in overheated indoor areas and high stress situations. Those on a gluten-free diet may not be getting adequate amounts of magnesium in their diet when they cut out whole grains and cereals which are good sources of the mineral. A diet rich in magnesium has a calming effect on the nerves and muscles besides various other benefits. 

Omega-3 and Vitamin D levels

Photograph Copyright Keyseeker-morguefile.com

Children who are low on omega-3 fatty acids and Vitamin D are also known to have more behavioural issues such as temper tantrums. There are tests available to ascertain these levels. While fish oil may help, any supplements are best taken only on the advice of a registered medical practitioner.

General diet and nutrition

A well-balanced nutritious diet at regular feeding times is a necessity for the overall physical, mental, and emotional wellbeing of a young child. If this is not available to the child, she may exhibit behavioural problems and be prone to temper tantrums. Encouraging healthy eating habits in your kids is a huge step in promoting sensible behaviour.

Sugar spikes and falls

Photograph Copyright Darren Hester-morguefile.com

Young children who are fed high levels of sugar in their daily diet have been shown to exhibit hyperactivity and violent behaviour. A young child's body mechanism is unable to process large amounts of sugar and maintain a balance. A diet that is mostly soft drinks and food processed out of refined sugar, white flour, and trans fat will cause spikes in glucose absorption followed by dramatic falls. A child whose staple diet is made up of these substances will experience withdrawal symptoms if suddenly denied it. This will lead to the mother of all tantrums that appear to come out of nowhere.

Fluorescent lighting

Photograph Copyright Chelle-morguefile.com

Fluorescent lighting in supermarkets, class rooms, gyms, and other places may trigger behavioural issues in some kids. This is easily discerned in kids who are happy little souls at home, but act out only on shopping trips or at school. Fluorescent lighting has a flickering pattern that may not be noticed by all, at least consciously. But some individuals are especially sensitive to this flickering and may be disturbed by it. 

Head aches, buzzing in the ears, anxiety, difficulty focusing, and eye strain are some symptoms. Young children who are sensitive to this may find it unbearable and be propelled into tantrum behaviour. Toddlers, with their underdeveloped nervous system, are even more likely to be affected, even more so if they're strapped to their prams facing up at the lights. 

Cleaning solvents

Photograph Copyright Xandert

The strong odours left behind by cleaning solvents and other chemical materials may cause disturbances in children's behavioural patterns. Even after the odours have evaporated, the VOCs (Volatile Organic Compounds) that are the actual culprits will continue to be dispersed into the air. When breathed in, these toxic compounds can mess with the brain and nervous system and cause those sensitive to it to react violently.

Food allergies

Allergic reaction to certain preservatives, artificial food colouring, dairy, wheat, or soy products may present in the form of headaches, stomach aches, nausea, and feelings of disconnectedness as well as temper tantrums in young children. Flaming cheeks and ears are a giveaway in this situation.

Antibiotics

Photograph Copyright ppdigital-morguefile.com

Young children who are on antibiotics may be deficient in good bacteria in the gut flora. This may find them deficient in minerals such as magnesium, zinc, calcium, and selenium. This deficiency may cause them to be emotionally volatile and very prone to temper tantrums.

Anesthesia 

Children who may have had to have anesthesia as part of medical procedures before age three may have behavioural problems later on due to its effect on their brains. Studies have shown a link between anesthesia and behaviour but this need not be taken as conclusive. What you need to do is be aware that this could be a possibility when you're unable to identify other causes. Just knowing this will equip you to deal compassionately with your child's tantrums and take appropriate measures to prevent it. 

Developmental stage of a toddlers' brain

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The prefrontal cortex area of a toddler's brain has not reached full development. The prefrontal cortex is the thinking brain. At this stage a toddler's actions are governed by the limbic system which is the emotional brain that knows no reason. It plunges into action without thought. This is why it is pointless to reason with your toddler, especially in the middle of a tantrum when the limbic system is all fired up.

For this reason, parents are the thinking brain of a child often well into adolescence and even young adulthood. In the case of a toddler, it is the parent who uses logic and thinking capacity to guide her actions and keep attuned to her wants and needs. Identifying and fulfilling the needs and wants of a toddler using the prefrontal cortex which is, let's hope, fully developed in an adult, the parent acts as the guide for a little being fully in the power of an immature limbic system. This needs to be so until children can be shown how to regulate their mental activities through meditation techniques and other helpful measures. 

If all this seems a bit too complicated, here's the gist. A parent's job is not just to feed and clothe the child but also to think and act for the child; be the child's brain. This happens again in old age, but in reverse. In old age, the prefrontal cortex area of the parent's brain shrinks and results in diminished thinking capacity due to senility or other age-related dysfunction. And then, it is the turn of the adult child or a caregiver who has to be your brain and think and act for you. This is payback time for you when you get to launch into temper tantrums of your own.

Thank you for reading this far. I hope this proves helpful in some way in your childrearing. I'd appreciate you leaving a comment as to how this may have helped you, or not. Cheers!

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What Causes Temper Tantrum in Toddlers?

Temper tantrum in toddlers is a much dreaded aspect of childrearing; also one of the least understood. What prompts children to throw a fit, kick, scream, roll on the floor, hit their soft heads against hard objects, hurt themselves and others, and transform into unmanageable bundles of fury that leave parents helpless, highly provoked, and often clueless? Why are some kids particularly prone to throwing a tantrum when others are more placid?

The whole point of this post and the following series is to explore the causes of temper tantrums especially in toddlers and young children. Understanding the causes is the first step in handling it and preventing it from tormenting both the child and the caregivers.

Some Usual Causes of Temper Tantrums

• Young children feel

Hunger, Thirst

• Discomfort from 

       Wet nappies, Pinching shoe, Stuffy clothing, Loud noises

• Some object to the sensation of being pushed around atop a rickety trolley.

• The sudden change in temperature from outdoors to indoors or from the warmer aisles to the frozen food aisle of a supermarket.

• Besides these annoyances kids also feel
  

  

  Courtesy Nasir Khan-morguefile,com

  Fear
  
  
  Sadness
  
  
  Frustrations
  
  
  Loss of control
  
  
  Powerlessness
  
  
  Boredom
  
  
  Overstimulation of the senses
  
  
  
  

  Tiredness

  
  
  
  

  Ignored

  
  
  
  

  Overwhelmed 

• They can also keenly sense the parent's anger and other negative emotions directed towards them or elsewhere.

• They could be having an aching belly or head or foot but be unable to articulate exactly what's happening with them.

• Something they ate or drank could be making them feel sick or nauseous and again, they are not going to be able to identify their problem as such and inform the parent.

• Over and above all, toddlers become confused and agitated when their daily routines are disrupted.

Any of these might prove the last straw to a shopping trip that seems to go on forever. When they feel horrible they act horrible.

Major Emotions in a Temper Tantrum

Photograph Courtesy Anita Patterson-morguefile.com

What you need to keep in mind is that the major emotions involved in a tantrum episode are frustration and sadness. 

A toddler throwing a tantrum is first and foremost a very sad child even though it is the fury that grabs attention.

There is an element of helplessness in combination with the other elements discussed above that makes the child feel incredibly alone, abandoned, and vulnerable.

Lack of Language Abilities Can Cause Tantrums 

The toddler's greatest vulnerability is the lack of language. He does not have the ability to tell you exactly how he is feeling or where it hurts. This leads to a great deal of frustration, especially when the caregiver is unable to understand his repeated attempts at communicating.

Of course, this leads to an emotional acting out of that frustration that is overwhelming him. As the tantrum moves into first gear, he becomes even more incoherent as the little logic that his baby brain is capable of abandons him altogether.

Warning Signals of a Temper Tantrum

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Temper tantrums in children do not occur without warning. There will be signals such as whimpers, whines, sniffles, change in tone and facial expressions, and sobs that should signal to the caregiver well in advance what is brewing.  When these warning signals are ignored, the tantrum escalates into a gale force performance.

Temper Tantrums Caused by Adult Routines

Adult routines and errands often disrupt a toddler's routine. Young kids benefit from steady routines and predictability. This gives them a sense of security that is essential to forming healthy personalities and attitudes. Trying to fit your child into your routines upsets the stability and predictability that a child depends on to make sense of this world.

If you have a toddler or very young child, plan your routine around her needs and not the other way around. Trying to fit childrearing to suit shopping, grocery, movies, eating out, parties, and other adult activities is actually asking too much of a toddler.

Trying to squeeze in one more errand when the child is ready for his nap is not a sensible thing to do. This will provoke a tantrum 9 times out of 10 and then it is quite absurd to label the child a monster for demanding that it needs to take a nap, groceries be damned.

Toddlers Cannot be Expected to Understand Adult Concepts of Time, Distance, and Numbers

Young children are not capable of understanding the concept of postponing or the significance of time. When you tell your child, "Five minutes, sweetie, let mommy quickly rush in and do this one thing," the toddler does not understand the concept of the number 5, the meaning of minutes or how long or short that is, or the all-fired importance of whatever it is that mommy is hurrying to accomplish. He only knows he is sleepy but unable to do so and it is driving him nuts with frustration.

Instead of seeing the child's point of view, mommy might insist on completing her errand. She might even accuse the child of controlling her with his unrelenting needs and refuse to be thus controlled by a pipsqueak. After all it's just a matter of a few minutes; the kid should be fine to wait. 

But in a toddler's world 5 minutes might just as well be 5 hours. The only way he can communicate his discomfort and frustration at the disruption of his routine is to bawl at the top of his lungs and use his body as a punching bag in a bid to work it out.

Toddlers do not Get Adult Logic

And once the meltdown has begun, you can offer him the finest bed in the world to take his nap, but he just won't see it. The outburst of powerful emotions has to work its way out of his system. Right now the prime issue is how horribly upset she is feeling and not what caused it. You can only wait till it has run its course and comes to an end on its own.

Single parents, especially, are often at a loss when it comes to balancing day to day routines and childrearing. But if your intention is harmonious childrearing, the priority has to be the child. Following a stable routine actually helps you schedule and make plans around the peaks and lulls that define a day with your child. As a matter of fact you get more work accomplished this way.

Temper Tantrum-An Inside View

Have you ever wondered how it must feel to be restricted by language, completely powerless and strapped to a pram or trolley, highly uncomfortable in wet pants or worse, longing for a cool drink or a warm snack and none are forthcoming, unable to snooze when your eyelids are heavy with sleep, and no one appears to care a damn? 

Something similar would be you having to sit through a parliament session when you don't have the slightest interest in politics. You are surrounded by strangers talking gibberish that you are not in the least bit interested. You would of course get up and leave. 

But what if you are strapped to a chair and are at the mercy of a caregiver if you need to get out of that chair, have a drink or snack, or just take a stroll and explore surroundings? 

Wouldn't it be infinitely worse if you get the feeling that your caregiver does not appear to be paying much attention to you, but is rather more interested in picking things off shelves, trying on shoes or clothes, or talking endlessly on the phone?

Courtesy morguefile.com

You begin to whimper, whine a little louder, and then when that fails, get more vocal in your efforts to communicate your uneasiness. Nope, nothing works. You are told to behave or you won't be given this treat or that trip to the park later on. Later on does not really make much sense to you; in your world it might as well be a month away; the only concept of time you understand is right now.

You feel a bit let down and unhappy that your needs are not being met. Simultaneously waves of frustration rise up inside of you prompted by an utter lack of control and powerlessness. You go red in the face and let out shrieks and screams. You are no longer aware of your surroundings or the good manners that you have been taught.

You reach a stage where you don't even know why you feel the way you do. You are unable to think straight and are at the mercy of your emotions. 

You kick and scream, hold your breath, choke, sob, streams of tears flow down your face, your nose is stuffed up, and you're hurting all over from banging and crashing around. 

You can sense the displeasure of your caregiver and that makes you feel infinitely worse. The only reality for you at this stage is the fact that you are terribly upset and have neither the ability nor the wherewithal to manage it. If this scenario were real, you are right in the middle of a temper tantrum at this stage. How would you like to be treated?

Do share your ideas in the comments below. Later on I shall be exploring the more scientific causes of tantrums and ways on how to handle temper tantrums in children. You might also like the ultimate guide to temper tantrums. This post is just an exploration of the usual causes. Thank you for reading this far.