About Your Teen

Your teen does not come with a user's manual. And just for that reason, some parents treat them like damaged household goods that they no longer have any use for, and consequently pay them as much attention as you would to the broken down vaccuum cleaner lying around in the garage.

"Honey, do you remember that first vaccuum cleaner we got 15 years ago?" "Of course, it must be somewhere in the house, the garage, or the basement. I'm not sure exactly where though. Why do you ask?"


It's fairly easy to figure out when doggie needs to go outside or your goldfish would like a snack.
But what goes on inside of a teen brain boggles the mind... or so most parents think.

It's not that complicated really. Teens like to be pretty much left alone, but not so that folks don't realize when he has sneaked a hippopotamus into his bedroom. They just need the right amount of space with an unfailing faith that, if need be, he can actually get an unpatronising piece of advice without cynical comments attached.

Your teens would love to talk to you and have you tell them where they get off. But it depends on the kind of relationship you have nurtured throughout her childhood and preteen years. That gives them boundaries they are happy to negotiate and explore. When they are left instead to fend for themselves and find their own boundaries they do tend to get into a pattern of unreasonable behaviour which actually further alienates the parents. Some of these are;

• Mixing with the wrong crowd.
• Abusing alcohol.
• Driving under the influence.
• Doing drugs
• Smoking
• Speeding
• Skipping school
• Irresponsible attitude to sex.
• Staying out all night
• Petty crime
• Joining street gangs
• Lying

This really is no way for your teen to live. How terrible it must be for a 14 or even 18 year old to go through such experiences. And all it takes to steer your teen from such a path is more parental involvement in their affairs. Do not throw your hands up at the first sign of trouble saying there's nothing you can do. In fact, your job's just begun.

You've been promoted to the position of Dad/Mum of a teenager. That's like being promoted to general manager in your company. Both mean more responsibilities, more risks, harder working hours, and definitely more rewarding if you pull it off successfully.

You've got to keep in mind that it's that time of your teens' lives when they're exploring independence with a vengeance and experience a great deal of exhilaration plus a generous dose of anxiety to complicate matters considerably. So what may come across as sheer mule headedness or mindblowing arrogance are just desperate attempts at selfhood.

If at this stage you set out to argue with the mule, well, you really shouldn't do that. It's self defeating and goes to prove that you yourself have not outgrown your teen mentality. Well, bringing up your teen also does have its lighter moments as these quotes proclaim.